so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
