All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
