u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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