Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
