I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
