tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
