I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Randomize
