that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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