the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
