I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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