and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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