i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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