if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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