Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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