I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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