HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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