The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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