drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
