fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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