One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
