DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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