I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
