dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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