im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
