he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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