Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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