I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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