Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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