What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
