as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
