dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
