Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
