Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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