I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
