I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
