Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
