Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i came on her dog
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
