Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
