you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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