lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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