so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
