Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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