they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
