I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
