get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
