His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
