Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
