yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
