You work out of a Hotel?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
