btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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