found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
