Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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