What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
